As Mother's Day approaches I find myself more and more bitter. Not just because I am sick of seeing all the ads and they are pulling at my heart strings, but because I won't be celebrating with my mother or my grandmother. And even though they have been gone for 2 years, I just can't help but cry,
Every year we would go to my grandma's house and have lunch then spend the day with her. Typically she would cook even though we always told her not to. I miss that. I miss walking into the house and getting a warm hug and hearing how much they love me.
I can't help but be pissed off. I'm pissed off that my grandma was taken from me. I'm pissed off that I five months later I had to turnaround and plan my mom's funeral. It's just not fair to take them both from me in such short of time.
And believe me I know that life's not fair. Everyone has told me that, I grew up knowing that but I don't care. This is just wrong. It's wrong to do this to anyone. No one deserves pain like this, I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. I'm 27-years-old and I feel like I have lost the biggest part of who I am, and I have because these are the women that made me who I am.
So I sit here in a slump, ranting about things I know I can't fix. But I do hope that all of you who are lucky enough to still have your mother's and grandmother's make sure you let them know how special they are because you never know when it will be the last time you get to hear them tell you that they love you too.
Rest in peace grandma and mom, I will forver love and miss you.
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Aw! I'm sorry to hear that! :-( I can't even imagine how you feel!
ReplyDeleteYour blog looks really pretty! I love your banner and divider!
I hope your weekend gets better!
XO Shar
I miss my Grandmother too.
ReplyDeleteYour blog is so nice , it looks great.
hopping over from blog frog.
Now Dev, we can be pissed off at the world for unjust losses or we can keep our chin up and know that YOU are carrying on the legacy of what your Mom and Grandma left you. Yes, I know you're tired of hearing how life is not fair, but please don't feel like a victim as it's not good for you or the people around you. CHIN UP! xoxo
ReplyDeleteHi Dev! I'm sorry you are hurting so bad. I know all the "cliches" in the world won't help, and I've heard them all. My mom left this world when I was only 14 and that was really hard. I was definitely bitter for a time, but as I have grown older (I'm 57 now) even though I still miss her, I talk to her all the time. I got tickled because when I started going to the church I now attend, there was a lady who wore the same perfume my mom wore when I was a little girl! Every time I went to a service I would go up and hug and thanked her because she reminded me of my mom. I was upset with God when I was younger because I didn't understand, but now I look at her passing as a blessing for her. Our ultimate goal in life should be striving to reach the Goal of getting to heaven, and I look at it like she met her ULTIMATE GOAL, and although I mourn in my flesh for her, in my spirit I rejoice because I know she is in God's wonderful hands, which is where I long to be also someday. I dislike the way the world is now, so my daily chant is "whenever you're ready to take me Lord, I'm ready to go. I would never take my own life, but if He were to take me today, it wouldn't bother me. Weird, huh? I just long to be with the Lord. I can't help wondering if when our parents get older, or very sick if that's not what they are thinking. I pray that God will give you some peace and comfort in your time of need.
ReplyDeleteGod Bless,
PJ
*Hugs* I am so sorry that you've lost your mom and grandma, and in such a short amount of time. You are so right; we need to cherish those we love and they need to know it while they are still with us.
ReplyDeleteThanks everyone for the advice. I know I sound like I walk around the world mad, but that isn't really the case. I miss them both like crazy and know they are both in a better place. I just wish I could have kept them longer, call me selfish but I just can't help it. It's even harder for my two very young siblings (10 and 8). They had to grow up so quick because of this. I don't think children should lose parents at such a young age. I cherish the time I had with them and I mostly just wanted to pass on the importance of family. My mom always said you never know when you won't be able to see talk to them again. What so weird is we were having that conversation two days before she died.
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